Monday, January 23, 2012

Stealing Mei

The other day I came online to a flood of messages, concerned about my blog. It was missing. I was digitally kidnapped. Thanks to all of the many people who warned me of this.

This isn't the sexy kind of abduction.

 After investigating the situation a little more it seems like there was unusual activity on my account, so I did the things you'd normally do, and now I'm backing up my blog locally.

It broke my heart

The idea that I would have lost my blog was very powerful. I almost offed myself. I felt like.. in all that is happening to me in my life, and all that isn't happening fast enough or with certainty, my blog is how I can express myself, so even if I never get the ten thousand ish I need for my surgeries and I never survive to have the body in the bath that I need so badly, then at least I was being myself here, online, if nowhere else.

If I ever get the money to have my surgeries, I'll be earning money filming this.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Carving Reality

I've reached out to three of the more famous Doctor's in Thailand who perform feminization surgeries on ladyboys. I expect a response shortly and I hope the results are favourable.

My lawyer pointed out that Thailand is a much more affordable option, and if the safety worry that North American propaganda places on international medicine is a factor, having the surgery filmed as part of a documentary certainly offsets that.

My Brother reaffirmed what I've heard before; Thailand is world reknown for their cosmetic medicine.

Doctor's in Canada and the United States that I have met with have given me quotes of upwards of 25 thousand dollars for breast, waist, and face changes.

I have many accounts from trans women who went to Thailand that those changes AND MORE combine to less than 10 thousand dollars.

Pair that with the chance to rehabilitate in paradise and be in a land where I feel like my soul hails from makes this an exciting time for me.

I feel like, being poor and having not even a penny saved, it is important for me to set a date and prepare my schedule now. I have chosen the ressurection of someone important to me to be the same date of my resurrection.

I wish upon a star that I will somehow find the about 10 thousand dollars I need to become the ladyboy I was destined to be. It has been a frustrating place to be in knowing that I have to have the money to do the surgeries, before I can truly create the content that will earn many times that number afterwards.

If this were a simple business matter it would be an exciting venture for Men to invest in. Buy the ladyboy's body and you will see your investment pay a healthy return in her sexual creativity.

My blog already has a presence, it isn't like suddenly what I'm good at no longer has economic potential because it is real. The potential increases.

It is time to begin whoring, though, to earn the money. I'll go back and beg my Dad for money but I have no faith he will help me. None of my friends or family are able to help me, and I cannot even help myself because all my money goes to my daugther.

It is also interesting how now that I'm picking a date the opinions of my friend's have changed. I get blasted with the worry, have you thought about this long enough, maybe you should wait, I just want you to make the right decision, I'm just worried about you doing this alone.

I am alone, what difference does it make? I want the people, friends and family alike who project their worry on me to vanish from my life. Maybe when I go to Thailand I will stay there, and let Bangkok swallow me up.

I just want to be me. Why do I have to fight so hard?

For the first time ever, I'm going to show you my before pictures. I have worried that they would simply distract from the essence of who I am, but I want to show you again, in order to wish out the universe that this IS going to happen. This is me now. On my rebirth, March 26 2012, whether I have to beg or whore my way through, I will I have my fucking surgeries.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Ask Mei: that was quick!

oh Wow I get some more questions to answer! I like this game. ^_^

Do you have any friends online you talk to who also have blogger? and if so who have your similar sexual interests???

Many times many actually! You can find their blog links on the bottom right side under Blogs I Follow. That number increases as time goes by.

Do we have similar interests? I think we, for the most part, are united by trans ideas. Many are cross dreamers who revel in the fantastical powers of tg captions. Others are front line ladyboy soldiers like me who are planting our trans seeds so we can grow like flowers.

Each and every blogger in the community, be they creative or chronicling, slutty or chaste, activist or hiding, dreamer or trans, each is important. I dislike the lines that are drawn between us.

Sexually, which I now realize is what you asked... I'd say for the most part yes. There are some Queens who differ in some ways, such as the all-powerful Goddess Simone but many are soft and pliable like me. I have noticed a startling trend among our kind, that we maybe have a taste for big gorgeous black men. That is not to say that all men aren't gorgeous, but you can see the trend without much digging.
If you found a magic lamp and a genie appears and can grant you 3 wishes, what would they be?

That is a fun question! I have so much difficulty choosing favourite music, movies, colours, men. There are just so many flavours to consume it will never end!

1. I would wish upon a genie true that I could be a ladyboy like my soul demands, a ladyboy, Asian through and through. I do not require being a woman, it is not my way. I am a fabulous ladyboy and that is, from my perspective, just perfect, right, natural, and he doesn't tell you but your boyfriend likes me better this way.

Number the two!

2. I wish to be exceedingly wealthy, sure blame me for going cliche. But I have responsibles to my baby daughter, to her Mother, and to my family anyway. Let's be fair, I crave to have shoes and bling and Sex in the City enviable wardrobe! But despite my carnal fashionisms it is my family that must be safe financially most of all.

I come from poor, happy ghetto fab, but it makes it tricky now. I need a lot of money to get my body so I don't go crazy, but I have no way of how... I wish upon shooting stars a man will come and save me, but there is no shining knight it is just the bling on my wrist that I have.

Thrice wish!

3. I'm fabulous and I wish the world to know. I have a good blog, I have years experience in media, yet it is tough to break in and without even a penny left after paycheck my tv shows and the writers who rely on me are collecting dust.

The world doesn't even know how amazing what we've written is, and that breaks my heart. Sometimes I think about just doing a web comic just so you can read the stories, they are so good, but alas I don't even know how to draw art.

So I wish that I had the influence in media, the respect to get my work produced. From my porn, my documentary, my tv shows, my graphic novels, and all the works of those who work with me... I wish we would have that success.

I'm curious as to why Asian? Why would you transition from being a white male to an Asian female?

Oh I forgot this question would come up, so settled in the idea I already am. Yes if you've seen pics of me I'm not born Asian, why then do I feel compelled to have surgeries to look that way?

I... I don't know.. it is one of those things that is difficult to explain. It is as difficult and complicated as being trans and trying to explain that you were born in the wrong body.

I think sometimes perhaps it is a past life thing, perhaps my Soul is stamped Made in China? I do not know, but when my counsellor suggested that I should accept I cannot be I was not delighted.

I cannot. I'm sorry if we as a society are more accepting of transgender (isn't that funny that I would even write that...) than we are of transracial, but.. I really just can't give up. I feel it as true as anything else, when I look in the mirror, girl it is tough!

A friend photoshopped my face just slightly to include my eyes the way I feel they ought to be. I didn't need tons of plastic surgery or airbrushing, I just needed my eyes to look properly... it felt as congruent as having breasts and wearing a dress and it is equally important.

I believe you will see that there are many more like me, and worth exploring.

For instance I met another like me in person! What a coincidence the plastic surgeon said! He has only met two, and now we both live near to each other and she feels the same and I was so delighted. It is very good to realize there are others out there, and she had the surgeries on eyes just like I want! It is possible, I will have it and I will feel so much better wow I type a lot...

If anyone has any theories on that, formpsring them to me.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Ask Mei

Wow formspring is really neat! I've already had a few questions and I'm happy to answer!

If you could make one person fall in love with you, who would it be?

Myself. Aww no seriously, I met Bradley Cooper and I totally ran away when he invited me to his hotel room. I would repeat the process, but this time I'd make him fall under my mei spell. Having more self-confidence means getting laid by Bradley Cooper.

Do you flirt with cab drivers, offering 'service' for free rides?

I flirt with EVERYONE; the Tim Horton's girl, the old Asian lady at the variety store, the taxi drive sharing his story about being a Baby Daddy to eleven different children! I flirt with everyone, but it rarely goes beyond a smile and a ray of sunshine in a day.

How was your threesome?

I didn't have it yet. I haven't felt right about having sex when I've been living with the woman I built a baby with. I spoke to her tonight and told her that I honestly, truly cannot repress my instincts to mate with males any longer. I need men to fuck me and I am going crazy quickly. She will sleep in another bedroom but we are still friends and family, just not a couple and we both need to accept that.

When did you realize you were sexually attracted to men?

Very good question. I remember having strong instincts towards several males when I was much too young, so let's not talk about that. I will simply leave it at very young. Instead let's look at the more practical reasoning.

When I was in grade 7 I had a hard time. I was in the gym class and all the boys mocked me for having a girl body and breasts. Then they got all the girls together and chanted in a parade up and down the village I lived in "Jeremy has breasts! Jeremy has breasts!" That freaked me out so I shrunk and hid. Whatever ladyboy I would have become earlier was squashed by that and a single parent stress family and I went into hiding.

I found the internet. I had a 286, dial-up from York University my Mom paid 10 bucks for and after BBS'ing my friend, who is now a cop, introduced me to mIRC. Because I'm as girly as I am, the moment I stepped into internet chat rooms I was swarmed by male attention. I liked it. I liked how men talked to me and were persuasive and how very sexy their presence could be. I found males sexually attractive for their personalities and power before their puberty taught me their pheromones were heroin.

I'm glad to answer your questions and it often gives me direction on what to share. Please do keep prying.

Sparkles and rainbows,

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Shemale Propaganda

I had the urge to create a series of more colourful captions. I intend to make more but they take more time photoshopping than my previous endeavours. You can see the entire gallery on my imagefap profile.

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